I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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