Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
