Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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