Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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