I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
