There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
