She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
