are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
