That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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