So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
