The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
