did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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