I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
