ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
