it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
