come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize