If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
