Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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