i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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