she was so not down for the gang bang
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
