Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
