Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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