I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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