So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
