K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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