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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
