Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
