i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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