Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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