ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
