the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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