she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
