the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
