Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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