Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
