i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
