Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
