i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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