I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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