hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
