so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
