The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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