we have officially lost it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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