Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
