im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
