we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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