You're so nebulous sometimes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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