I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
