i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
