Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
