we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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