So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
