she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
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So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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