my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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