Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
