so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
