You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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