FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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