And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
