the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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