we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
