I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
