The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my shit smells like andre
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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