You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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