So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
