my phone needs a breathalizer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
