He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
