We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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