I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
