Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
