I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
