omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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