Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All the doctor said was why
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
