...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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