his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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