My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
