watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
