My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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